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The evil Easter egg campaign
Opinion: Don't advocate the advertising!
Yesterday evening, I found myself happily strolling around Tescos, basking in the luxury of the simple, yet rewarding weekly shop. As I wandered to the biscuit section (as you do because now that it’s February, all New Year’s resolutions are off or at least extremely twisted), I came across a sight that both shocked and horrified me to the very core - a core that will rapidly expand as a result of this very travesty. A mountain, and I mean mountain, of Easter eggs stood before me.
I retreated in alarm and disgust as I took in this abomination. As my heart started racing and my palms got sweaty, I decided that the only thing to do was to drop the shopping, rush home and relax, comforted by the notion that, no, the Easter eggs were not following me home. Not that I don’t believe they’re capable of such things. They’re monsters, so they are! I sunk into the couch with a packet of biscuits (which are kept under the couch of course, you can never have enough secret stashes with the male species living in the house). I hate Jaffa Cakes but what can you do? I needed something for the shock.
So, seven biscuits later I finally began to calm down and turned on the telly, almost all traces of the Easter egg campaigns gone from my mind. All was going well until the ads came on. And then, there, in my very own sitting room, was a product of the Easter egg Campaign. A Creme Egg advertisement. The horror of it all.
I threw several Jaffas at the telly, closed my eyes, curled up in a ball and waited for it all to pass. Now I love Creme Eggs as much as the next girl, but seriously? Easter is falling on the TWENTY FOURTH of April this year. Which, according to the Creme Egg countdown (yes I kid you not, they’re having a countdown) is 8 weeks, 4 days and 9 hours away at this very moment in time.
To add insult to injury, I don’t doubt that the eggs have actually gotten smaller. Now this isn’t the same as the way you think your jeans have gotten smaller (they haven’t, you’ve gotten bigger!) or the same as the way your back garden was a HUGE jungle when you were a kid (whereas now, it’s an overrun, weed ridden box, typical to suburban households). No, after extensive research carried out by my friends and me at one particularly disheartening lunch, I can conclude that yes, the egg has definitely shrunk.
The nail in the coffin is the Creme Egg ads. Admittedly, I laughed the first time I saw them. In fact I laughed quite a lot. However, having seen them every day for the past few weeks, I can’t help but notice their mildly suicidal tendencies. The eggs die. Every time! Now, don’t get me wrong, I love chocolate. Chocolate and I have a fantastic relationship. Milk chocolate, white chocolate, dark chocolate - hell, any kind of chocolate! In fact I would even go as far as to say that I’m a chocoholic. They say admitting it is the first step to recovery but so far it hasn’t helped me. So, as I’ve established, chocolate and I are deeply in love. Even if it is unrequited… However, this whole Easter Egg shebang is sickening (similar to the sickness suffered when one eats a whole box of Roses single-handedly).
So, I ask you readers and fellow chocoholics alike, to please boycott this pathetic and indeed, evil, Easter egg Campaign. At least until March. Not only is it irritating and rather ridiculous, it corrupts our New Year’s resolutions! As long as you avoid all televisions, radios, billboards (all contact with humanity basically), you should have a wonderful and fun-filled February, free of the Easter egg campaign.
Enjoy!
By: lottie
