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Relationships and violence
Opinion: At what point can a relationship become abusive?
As a young person out and about, from time to time I notice couples arguing. Sometimes it doesn’t seem serious, other times I am left wondering what may happen when they go home? When talking with acquaintances I have noticed odd bruises and their excuses for not wanting to go out or upset their other half. I have heard raised voices and slamming doors as a student in a shared house; a tiff that was made up later with hugs and kisses but inevitably repeated. At what point can a relationship become abusive?
With this question in mind, I spoke to COPE Galway about domestic violence and the extent of the problem in Ireland.
Domestic violence: At what point does society start to take it seriously?
Since 1996, 146 women were murdered in Ireland. 92 (63%) of these women were murdered in their own home. Of the resolved cases, 50% were murdered by a partner or ex-partner.
Home and relationships, as a safe haven, is something many young people don’t experience. Through the exposure of church scandals and memoirs, the public have begun to open up to discussing physical and sexual abuse. This is a very positive step, yet what has managed to slip from the public agenda is frank discussion about violence at home, which deeply affects the lives of young people, in places and spaces designated as being safe.
Domestic violence statistics for Ireland are nothing short of shocking. In 2007 alone 22,545 calls for support were made to Women’s Aid Helpline. Women’s Aid had only been able to responded 12,629 calls because of the lack of resources. 1,952 women and 2,985 children were accommodated in refuges in Ireland in 2006. We are more aware that we live in a violent society (gangland crime being the most visible) yet violence in the home is glazed over in language such as: domestic dispute, or a domestic or family violence.
The organisations that support survivors of domestic violence work tirelessly to initiate change, so young people do not grow up experiencing the effects of violence.
COPE Galway, Waterside House, provides a secure refuge for women and children fleeing domestic violence. They have created a dynamic school programme - it highlights healthy and unhealthy relationships and encourages thought on when a relationship turns abusive. This is a great avenue to openly discuss violence in relationships.
Human rights organisation Amnesty International has stated: “Violence against women is not a private matter - it is everyone's business."
We young people need to really think about what domestic violence actually is. Violence in the home and in relationships is overwhelmingly emotional – Click here for information on emotional abuse.
Domestic violence is often not a once off event but a pattern of coercive control carried out over a period of time. Amnesty International considers it a: “Grave and systematic human rights abuse”. It is a human rights abuse that carries with it a sense of shame and silence.
In term of prevention, education is recognised as the way forward by those offering support and immediate help. It is never enough to rely on the legal response. When speaking about domestic violence it has been commented: “If the numbers we see in domestic violence were applied to terrorism or gang violence, the entire country would be up in arms, and it would be the lead story on the news every night." (Mark Green writing in Marie Claire)
We must start to take domestic violence seriously- statistics prove you could be a victim. Anybody can be a victim.
By: Annette Carter
Find supportive information on domestic violence.
Support organisations that can help if you are a victim of domestic violence:
Amen PHONE: 046 23718
www.amen.ie
Provides a confidential helpline, a support service and information for male victims of domestic abuse.
Aoibhneas HELPLINE PHONE: 01-8670701
Provide facilities, professional help and support. The helpline offers a free professional counselling service to women and men who are suffering from violence in the home.
Women's Aid FREEPHONE: 1800 341 900
www.womensaid.ie
The Helpline offers confidential information, advice, support and understanding to women who are being physically, sexually or mentally abused in their own homes. The Helpline also acts as a referral to refugees, counselling services, solicitors.
COPE Galway has a network of volunteer speakers who are available to talk to students about the issues and what COPE Galway is doing to help. If you would like to arrange for a speaker to come into your school, contact them on 091 778750 or email info@copegalway.ie. If you would like to fundraise for Waterside Outreach check out their website: http://www.copegalway.ie/support_us.php
