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Male chivalry
Opinion: My thoughts on male chivalry in today's society.
Like most modern western women who are aware of gender and equality issues, I’d be quick to refute chauvinistic claims that women belong in the kitchen, or at home with the children. I would harbour some resentment for a man who assumed I might not be so nifty at D.I.Y or who would shout out in alarm just as I was about to embark on some heavy lifting. As an Irish woman, I, as many others do, consider myself in all but physicality equal to any man. Why is it then that chivalrous men always get my attention?
Those moments when a man politely opens a door for you, pulls out your chair at dinner, offers to carry your heavy bags, or particularly the heroes who insist on walking you to your bus stop/taxi/house after a night on the tiles (even after insistent claims that you’ll be fine and you don’t need anyone to walk you, thanks) never go unnoticed by we lady folk. Although, we are often too embarrassed to admit that after hundreds of years of fighting for equality, we quite like it when men take up the role of protector.
In fact, after a little thought, I feel quite sorry for modern men who must have constant fear that their mannerly behaviour may be met by “I can hold a door open myself you know, I don’t need your help”. It’s a tough call to make, to risk seeming like a person with no manners or an overbearing pig.
I got a taste of the situation myself while spending the day with a Turkish friend in Paris. Being a mannerly sort of person, I am the type to hold doors open, to allow others to go first and to put myself last in line when with a group. So, that day I did it as usual without even thinking, until my friend called me up on it. “Why do you do this?” he asked. He was genuinely curious.
It took some explaining before I actually realised what he was asking. Why was I letting him go ahead of me? “I guess it’s because it’s just polite”. Turkey looked even more baffled. “In Turkey, only the men do this” he replied. It was my turn to be shocked, and outraged, by the sheer inequality of it all then. So I had to ask “Why is that then?” “Because in Turkey, we have many more men than women, so women are very precious”.
For me, that shed a whole new light on the subject. Women are precious? Why hadn’t I been informed of this? And when was the last time I had allowed someone to make me feel precious, just for the pure hell of it? Somewhere amidst our Beyonce inspired chants of independent women, we have lost out. Every now and again, it’s nice to be rescued by the knight in shining armour, be it a brother, father, friend or lover.
Traditional codes of chivalry called for truth, courtesy, loyalty and the reverence of women. With the abandonment of traditional gender roles, the ways in which women are honoured must change. Manners and kindness have become so rare that if you offer to buy me a drink, I’ll assume you have an ulterior motive (and I daresay Id be right).
Open the door for me, kiss my hand, offer to do something that will genuinely make my life easier and I promise it won’t go unnoticed. It is the mark of a man with manners, and one who respects women as a true equal.
