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F**k buddies?
Opinion: Is it really a choice?
I never truly got the f**k buddy thing for a while; I wanted a relationship, to go out with a girl, to have dinners and of course regular great sex. But due to the obvious problems of relationships, I always end up single. Not because I am ugly or difficult to get along with, but because I’m that bit too honest for my own good.
Previous relationships haven’t lasted too long for me. They have usually been with younger women of 19 - 23. I think the problem is that the people I tend to end up with listen too much to me. I talk about experiences I have had in different countries, off on my own discovering what life is about. I talk A LOT. The women I go out with then seem to look at their own lives and begin backing away from me. Most of them have been in previous long term relationships, so maybe I’m a rebound, or they have never stood on their own two feet and done things that challenged them. So, the feedback from the previous exes is that I pointed them on a path of realising that life isn’t about sitting in a pub or club every Friday night and spending it hungover on Saturday and Sunday.
In the end,I’m my own worst enemy for encouraging a situation that leaves me single, but the other person more fulfilled.
So how the hell does this fit in with f**k buddies? I’m getting there; apologies for blabbing.
I met a girl at a festival in 2010, no kissing; we just chatted. No numbers were exchanged. She found me a few weeks after the fest on Spacebook and we began chatting for two or three months via emails ranging from two words to 800 words, long enthralling stuff where you’re getting to know the person. I had no feelings but friendship.
Then I met up with her again and we had a few drinks and that very quickly unearthed desires. So what do you know, but we sleep with each other? The girl had come out of a relationship of two years and had been messed about. So the situation is that we are friends, but have sex on occasion when we see each other.
From a male point of view that seems absolutely cool (which it is), but when feelings get stronger, you must say something, or else jealousy could become a mega issue. F**k buddies are a great idea, but you need to have understanding and consent from both sides about what’s happening.
There's a possession thing to relationships that is very ‘She’s Mine’ or ‘He’s mine’. That’s insecurity that can be controlled, but sometimes people don’t know how to. Am I thinking of this person and where she is? Hell yeah, but I have to understand that she is in that 23 age bracket (I know, why don’t I just look for older women?). She went to college in the UK where there was no social life, so she’s having a social life now.
If I were to go out with her, she would be restricted or feel restricted or not be as FREE. Hell I don’t want to restrict anyone; she needs to enjoy the college social life she didn’t have.
F**k buddies can work, but it’s messy because people are messy. Feelings always cloud into things from a male and female side. Men are sometime a little better at separating them out, and then sometimes women are better at maintaining.
To some the notion of f**k buddies may seem dirty, disgusting and disrespectful. But what does one do when there are so many bad examples of ‘gentlemen’ out there that leave women suspicious of all men?
I've had too many women compare me to previous relationships or to other men. I can’t understand why they don’t just see the person in front of them rather than the person who left them. To not see what is right in your face may be a youthful thing and in this present recession maybe my chance with older women will be better, as almost every lad is now unemployed, so I don't have to prove I have a great job, car etc.
Maybe we could be entering an era where the person themselves is enough of something to like, rather than what the boom did to personalities.
So to shut up now, I shall remain in friendly flirtations with the female form until I can find someone who has the ability to see beyond the cheap trimmings of socialite society. Where craic doesn’t have to cost the world. Consigned to the bachelor heap or the player pad.
Sure time will tell...
By: Extrovert
