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A guide to break-up behaviour
A lighthearted look at some of the behaviours that people exhibit after the break-up of a relationship.
Prepare thyself. When you break up with someone, even when you’ve been the one to do the breaking, you must prepare yourself for the exhibition of some bizarre and out-of-character behaviour. Here’s a guide to some classic signs of the mental strain that results from a break-up and some ways to deal with them: Firstly, you will cry. About serious things sometimes, like the mistakes you think you’ve made or ways you could have dealt with things differently. However, for the most part you’ll cry about nothing in particular, mainly stuff like those Andrex ads where the curious puppy bounds about: “But (sniff) it’s so cute…” you’ll sob, as a visibly uncomfortable friend/family member desperately tries to change the channel. Don’t worry, crying is healthy and healing, and, after all, you probably feel like you’ve lost a best friend.
The world is made up of the walking wounded. We all survived to bear the scars of our break-ups and you will too. You will find meanings in songs that aren’t actually there. Trust me; there is nothing life-changing or insightful about any of the pronouncements that any boy band has ever made. When you look back in a few months, you will cringe at the memory of waxing lyrical about the songwriting abilities of fuzzy-haired kids who can’t quite master their instruments. But, if you must listen to dreadful break-up music, it’s better to listen to poppy fluff than achingly heartfelt indie music - no one ever needs to go that deep into the pit of someone else’s self-doubt and despair.
You will spend inordinate amounts of money on your weekends, maybe even on trips away to London, Ennis, wherever, just to escape the possibility that you could be HOME on a SATURDAY NIGHT imagining your former other half snuggled up to some twiglet/chunk of manbeef. It’s all right; you might get some great photos and memories out of it all. Or else the trips away will make you question your own sanity even further. Either way, after all the splurging you’ll have the very tangible problem of debt to distract you from your other, mainly imagined, issues. You will have crazy, stupid adventures with friends who are slightly more…disreputable than your other friends. You’ll spend time with these people when you fear that your sane friends are about to ask you to kindly implode elsewhere because they’re getting sick of your looped conversations on riveting topics such as “Did I Do The Right Thing?” and “Will I Regret This?” or “What Am I Going to Do?” and the epic “What’s Wrong With Me?”. Talking to friends and having crazy, stupid adventures are great (and cheap!) methods of dealing with your problems, so embrace it all.
After a while when the fog clears you’ll find that actually, you’re okay. Not so okay that you’d be able to deal with seeing your ex eating the face off someone else, or holding hands and giggling with the twiglet/chunk of manbeef, but at least you’re not hugging a pillow every night any more. When you get to this stage you should use all the extra energy that you suddenly have to actually do something (being a basket case can be very draining). You could do night classes or join a sports club or a society (and actually go to the meetings); basically anything that’s all about YOU. And of course you should make time for the friends who’ve been inhumanly patient with you. I guarantee you that you’ll have to do the same for them someday.
By: Lorraine O'Hanlon
