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The fine art of the beach bum
Get ready for those (rare) sunny days.
If global warming has one benefit, it will hopefully be that us sun starved Irish get a few more trips to the beach. I don’t think that I’m asking for much really, just a bit of sun (enough to give us a healthy glow) and the chance to shake the cobwebs off our summer clothes.
I can’t remember the last time I was at the beach, which is a disgrace considering I live on the coast. Call me hard to please, but I’d rather visit the beach without the gale force winds creating a sand storm.
Look at TV programmes like Home and Away or The OC; they always seem to be at the beach. The sand is golden, the water is an inviting blue and there are beautiful girls in bikinis and hunks in shorts. What do we get? Freezing winds, a grey sea and people who are more Homer Simpson than Jessica Simpson. Not that there is anything wrong with Homer Simpson, but sometimes it’s nice to have something a bit easier on the eye.
When global warming does give us the odd day of sunshine, we need to be prepared to take advantage of it. Being a beach bum might look easy, but it actually takes a lot of hard work.
First there’s the baring of flesh, which can be traumatic if you don’t have the figure of Mischa Barton or the man off the aero advert (and let’s face it who does?) For women, there’s the dilemma of hair removal, which deserves an article all of it’s own! To quote Shakespeare: ‘To wax or not to wax, that is the question’.
Then there’s the matter of sunscreen, whether you can get a tan without turning lobster red, and how to avoid those sunglassed induced white circles around the eyes.
But once you are prepared and have cleared those obstacles, it’s time to relax. Find a sunny spot, lay your towel down and with the help of a magazine or some good music, lie back and relax.
If relaxing is not your cup of tea and you are more interested in finding a man/woman to share your beach towel with, then it’s time to adopt different tactics:
Bring a football and if you see someone you fancy, kick it in their direction so you have to retrieve it. It's a great excuse to get closer to them. But try not to hit the person of your fancy - you could end up giving them a concussion! This is not the most romantic way to introduce yourself.
If you do spot someone nice, particularly a hot lifeguard, don’t copy the movies. It is never a good idea to fake your own drowning as: a) they will not appreciate it and b) it could backfire and get you into trouble. Death or serious injury could be unpleasant side effects of this particular tactic!
Phew, I bet you thought it looked so much easier on the OC!
By: Marie Duffy
