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You are what you eat?
Your sandwich says a lot about you!
Egg mayonnaise
The independent type. You don't give a fiddlers if you've got egg breath, mayonnaise all over your trousers or a gassy aura. As far as you're concerned, nothing is going to come between you and your sambo.
Ham:
The shy guy. You don't want anything too exotic that might alienate you from all the other sandwich eaters. As a result, you stick to something non-offensive like ham.
Ham and cheese
Broken into two distinct categories:
A) The geezer. (Uses easy singles): "Jaysus, I'm starvin."
B) The fusspot. (Uses cream cheese): "Jeepers. I asked for brie, not camembert."
Corn beef:
The martyr. You're along the lines of Connolly or Pearse. They died for their country while you nearly die every time you've eaten your country's contribution to sandwich fillings.
Salmon:
The aristocrat. You could drop crumbs from your sandwich on the floor in Brown Thomas and they wouldn't bat an eyelid. They know that they can't afford to lose a customer like you.
Tinned salmon
The social climber. You really want to be in with the aristocrats so you try to keep up and eat tinned salmon sandwiches. Shame on you.
Salad
The health freak. You'd put anything in your sandwich if you thought it was going to make the body beautiful. You eat Special K and avoid crisp sandwiches like the plague. You hang around with the salmon sandwich eater.
Tuna salad
The perfectionist. Anyone who's ever eaten tuna salad sandwiches will tell you that there's a certain mixture that is just right, not too dry and not too much mayonnaise. You achieve that mixture every time.
Crisp
The comedian. When people hear a loud crunch coming from your sandwich fillings and tayto going all over the floor, they know that they're in the company of an absolute messer. Go on you good thing.
Chicken
The bore. Jeeze. At least whoever has the ham is just a little shy. What the hell is up your nose? Pale, almost colourless sandwiches, which save from the bread are almost tasteless. Thinks the person eating crisp sandwiches is very brash and keeps different sandwich eating circles.
Jam
The wildlife spotter. You eat jam on everything don't you? It's the only thing that stays fresh for 11 days while you're in a shed somewhere with your camera. No harm to anyone and yet everyone is scared shitless of you, even the geezer with the ham and cheese.
Coleslaw
The easy-going type. Ah, who cares if it tastes like papier-mâché, at least it fills a void in my gut. That's your attitude. And it's good for you right? Ah who cares, at least it fills a void in my gut.
Lettuce
You've got to be a vegetarian. Otherwise, what are you doing with some kind of strange plant on your sandwich? It’s more colourful than the chicken, but less tasty than paper. Bless your perseverance.
Tomato ketchup
The lunatic. You're likely to be blinking incessantly if you eat this sandwich. When you meet people who are eating tomato ketchup sandwiches, smile and agree with everything they say. They're probably armed, so ring the guards as soon as possible.
Peanut butter
The 20 year old going on 11. You're the perennial child. You're the most likely of all the above to cut off the crusts (apart from Mr. Tomato Ketchup, who does it with his chainsaw). You somehow stumbled across this article looking for cheats for your favourite Nintendo games.
By: Andrew Gibbons
The opinions of writers featured on SpunOut.ie do not necessarily reflect the views of the SpunOut.ie team or those of Community Creations. We try to give everyone a chance to have their opinions heard but we are not responsible for inaccuracies contained within these.
