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Too crazy for Skins
True life: Alcohol, drugs, sex, sexuality, self harm and suicide - I've seen it all in just three short years.
I wrack my brain every day to try and figure it out where it all went wrong.
This time three years ago I was mam and dad's sensible girl. Little did I know that within a year I was going to do, see and try things that I’d never even imagined. All the things I swore I’d never do!
My story has a common beginning: I fell in with the wrong crowd. I felt like I fitted in with them, that they cared about me. I spent my weekends with my ‘friends’, getting blind drunk on street corners; but even that was innocent behaviour. After a while, one girl in the group, Leanne* started to smoke drugs. Of course I joined in and smoked drugs with my ‘friends’ most days, even during school at lunch time. That's when thing's started going downhill.
I would watch Leanne* get into cars with strange boys and sleep with them for drugs, nothing hardcore, just ''a bit of smoke''. I criticised her for her behaviour, yet as time went on, my behaviour started to mirror hers. I found myself getting drunk and sleeping with boys just because they were nice to me for five minutes before hand. Then, people began to say I was as bad as the other girls in the group. I had been the innocent one, and now I was branded as ''scum'' too. My confidence was so low at this stage. I couldn’t face reality, so I drank even more and started to take harder drugs.
It got to the stage that I was a risk to myself and to others. I started to self harm, but none of my so-called mates seemed to really care, as that kind of behaviour had got to be the norm. Of course things only got worse. I’d say I was staying at my mate’s house for the weekend, but really I could have been anywhere, and my parents never knew. I found myself in the houses of 30/40/50 year old drug dealers, but my friends convinced me it was all just a fun party.
Don’t get me wrong, this group of girls weren’t junkies or anything major to begin with, one was even a professional footballer until drugs ruined her plans. They all had their own problems, all serious. I was lucky to have had such an easy life.
When one of our friends committed suicide, it suddenly became an option too. I tried it just as I had tried everything else, including solvent abuse and experimenting with girls, even though I knew I wasn’t gay or anything. It was more like a cry for help.
I honestly thought that was going to be my life forever. That’s if I hadn’t killed myself or been killed sooner than later. It was a really scary time and my family were totally oblivious to my whole other life. I hope they never find out.
Thanks to a new mate Jenna* and a really decent boy (who actually does care about me) called Martin*, I have pulled the plug on the 'partying scene'. I will always be grateful to them for getting my life back on track before I ruined it forever.
Drugs aren’t the way to go; I couldn’t even begin to explain the horrific things I've experienced because of them. Drugs steal lives and waste talents. It’s hard to believe until you have seen it for yourself though. Let’s just say, I have and I'll never go back there again!
*Not their real names.
By: xroiisinx
