Life after suicide in the family
True life: Learning to deal with grief after suicide bereavement.
I want to tell my story, which may seem serious to some people but I’m aware that others have gone through much more difficult times. Throughout my life I’ve been living with a very close family member who has had very serious depression. It was my Dad - my hero.
Ever since I was little, I can remember him going in and out of hospital and getting unnecessary medication pumped in and out of him. We visited several specialists, and we knew that depression is an illness. People who haven’t dealt with it could say that it is something which one chooses. They might think it is a choice to mope around in bed all day, to feel like pouring your heart out all of the time and even to feel like you are a burden on your family. I don’t think anyone in their right mind would choose to do this.
Depression is something that shouldn’t be ignored, something that the person cannot help, just like any other serious illness. Depression can even lead to feeling as though there is no other way out. Why isn’t depression being dealt with?
Okay... so you’re thinking, how does she know right? Well after going through all of the treatment options, my Dad seemed to be okay for a while. I was having fun with him and when these precious moments of him feeling high instead of low happened, I enjoyed them.
We took a short holiday to Cork during the summer holidays, and two weeks into my second year at school (a stressful enough time to say the least), my Dad took his own life.
After several attempts before that and several close-to-losing-him experiences, I couldn’t believe it was happening. I thought that he would arrive home any second and say: “I’ve made a mistake, help me!” But this time it just wasn’t meant to be.
I woke up to my mam screaming to my older brothers that dad had left a note and he was gone. I couldn’t believe it. The police and my brothers searched for the remainder of the morning. He was found and it wasn’t a happy “I’ve made a mistake help me moment.”
The attempt had turned into something which made me lose the most important man in my life. It is important to remember that a person who wants to take their own life is not just doing it for attention or anything of the sort. They need to be helped, however there is not enough professional support or treatment for people with depresson. It angers me to think that I’ve lost my dad because he believed I thought he was a burden.
When dealing with the grief of suicide, you will feel guilty but you need to remember that the person loved you; no matter how much you think it’s your fault. I've questioned many times whether I had ever done anything that resulted in the suicide. But with the help of my family members, who are all older than me, I’ve learned that no matter how many times I question, I wont get an answer no matter how hard it is to accept.
How many times have I sat in class and wanted to run out of the classroom and cry? If your friends don't seem to understand, you need to explain the illness to them. I'm lucky enough to have my best friend, who knew my dad and all about the illness, but at times it can be hard. All you need to know is that, in my opinion, one of the hardest forms of grief is suicide bereavement. It leaves a lot of unanswered questions. I urge anyone who is feeling low to surround yourself with positive things and people.
Its hard for me to share what happened to me but I’m doing my Leaving Cert now. Of course it still knocks at the back of my mind but my experience has taught me that life is very precious and you must make the most of it. Hopefully my story will inspire someone to get help, to deal with losing someone to suicide or just to share your story!!!!
By: Anonymous
Find supportive information on suicide bereavement: www.spunout.ie/health/Healthy-mind/Suicide/Suicide-bereavement
Find information on depression: www.spunout.ie/health/Healthy-mind/Depression/Depression
Support organisations:
Console Helpline FREEPHONE: 1800 201 890
Web: www.console.ie
Supports and helps people bereaved through suicide. The Helpline offers a confidential listening service for people bereaved through suicide. Console promotes positive mental health within the community in an effort to reduce the high number of attempted suicides and deaths through suicide.
Suicide bereavement support PHONE: 01-4553802
Map of suicide bereavement support groups nationally: www.nsbsn.org/groupdirectory.htm
Offer support, support groups and information to those bereaved by suicide.
Living Links PHONE: 087-9693021
Trained volunteers offer confidential, practical support and advice to families who have experienced a death by suicide in a number of counties.
This article is part of the SpunOut.ie true life stories section – a space for young people to share their experiences of tough times and encourage others to seek help. This story is just one person's experience and it may be different for you. Remember that no matter what you are going through, there is help and support available. See the Find help section for more information: http://www.spunout.ie/help/
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