A journey of recovery
True life: sketching the journey of recovering from an eating disorder.
I was looking through my notebooks and found these three sketches that I made before my family found out that I had bulimia and anorexia (kind of a mixture). I was very desperate and tried to draw how I felt to make people think because I couldn't tell anybody. I was a bit shocked when I found these pictures today. I hope they can help the people who use SpunOut.
"Between (one)": How I felt the paradox between eating and losing weight which is a consciously self-destructive thing. It's also about my bad conscience: that I do this to myself, coming from an affluent society (left, God of luxury or something like it) and so many people in this word don't have anything to eat. I make myself look like them.
"Between (two)" is about the two voices inside of me, the one on the left wants to drive me deeper into the self-destruction and the one on the right wants to get me out and wants to love me. Myself, in between just doesn't know who to believe. It was like having two people inside me.
"Left alone" shows how I felt that people around me behaved. I felt I could scream as loud as I wanted but nobody realised. Of course it wasn't people who deserted me but myself. And it was me who hid myself away from people.
"At a crossroad" is again the feeling of being lost and desperate due to not knowing which road is the right one and where the right road is.
"Finding hope" describes how I felt when for the first time I realised that there's a chance of getting out, after a long time of suffering and stumbling in the dark of my head. I don't exactly remember what it was that made me feel like this. I think it was when I saw that there's a lot of people supporting me, showing me that I'm a precious person: that everybody is! But not many know.
For the third I don't know a name, I think it says enough. It's how I imagined at that time of how it must and will feel to be in harmony with oneself and ones surrounding again. The birds are a symbol of peace and freedom. I love birds, they're on so many of my pictures. The tree shows being rooted again, down on earth. This picture is also a dream and wish of mine: to become a part of nature again. To understand and honour it. To be accepted by it. I think it's a long way but a way each of us should think of.
By: Veronika
Bodywhys is an organisation that provides information, support and advice to those with eating disorders and their families.
Contact Bodywhys on:
Helpline: 1890 200 444
Admin Tel: 01 2834963
Email support: alex@bodywhys.ie
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