Dealing with divorce: part 2
True life: Parents splitting, separating and moving on isn't always easy to cope with.
Divorce and separation affect many of us. Some people experience it in different ways. It’s a difficult transition for everyone involved but it’s not all bad, according to these girls who I interviewed, Samantha and Kelly.
Interview 2:
Claire: How long were your parents together before they split up?
Kelly: My parents got together quite young. My ma was nineteen and my da was eighteen. In 1996 my parents moved in together. I was five at the time. Before that, me and my ma had stayed with my dad some nights and in my grandparents others. They split up in January that year but tried again later on. The last straw happened when my ma wanted the car to visit my gran in hospital but my dad wouldn’t give it to her, so we left in a taxi and never came back.
Claire: How did you feel when they separated? Did it affect your behaviour in school/or with your parents?
Kelly: I was just turning seven when they split, I did not know what was going on and it wasn’t until a few years later that it was explained to me. Because no one explained to me, I had no feelings really. All that was bugging me was that I had to move and I’d never see my mates again.
Claire: How did you feel when your parents moved on and entered new relationships?
Kelly: My dad met his new girlfriend previously on the internet. The site had a controlled party where everyone meets each other. It was love at first sight apparently. Dad moved abroad a few weeks after they split. He was there for good, but he came back because of me but I’m not sure I believe that. Da picked me up one weekend and I met his new girlfriend. I was only seven and I didn’t know what was going on. Next thing, I’m meeting her parents and travelling to Cork every time I was with him.
Claire: What is your relationship like now with your parents and your step-parents?
Kelly: Me and ma are as close as ever though we don’t talk about boys etc, we still get along like a house on fire. My stepdad is the best stepdad in the world. He treats me like a daughter and is so kind to me. He is more of a father to me than my own father is. Me and dad only had a close bond when we talked about computers, games and technology. His girlfriend changed me as a person. I was never into makeup, shoes and clothes. I was a very nervous shy child, but hey, I’m not like that anymore! Dad’s girlfriend isn’t very family-orientated. Most of my dad’s family think she tried to push me away from my dad, which she has done. She only wants my da and nothing else. They have pushed themselves away from the rest of the family. I never noticed the way they treated me until recently. I don’t know if emotional abuse is too harsh a word, but they did mess with my head.
Claire: Looking back at the situation, how do you feel?
Kelly: I think it was harder for me because it’s only me. I’ve no brothers or sisters who would be there to help me and see what was really going on. Although, as I got older, I saw the situation from different views. I wish I was close to my dad but I’m happy to have John in my life too. I just got on with it. I just saw it as a ‘what happens’ sorta thing. It doesn’t really bother me anymore; I was so young when it happened.
Find out how to deal with family separation.
Interview by SpunOut.ie volunteer, Claire.
*Names of interviewee changed to protect identities.
This article is part of the SpunOut.ie true life stories section – a space for young people to share their experiences of tough times and encourage others to seek help. This story is just one person's experience and it may be different for you. Remember that no matter what you are going through, there is help and support available. See the Find help section for more information: http://www.spunout.ie/help/
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