Damian Clark on Ireland and emigration
Irish chicks are beautiful!
SpunOut.ie: Once upon a time there was a lad called Damian from Aus. He decided to head for Ireland because...
Damian: Irish chicks are beautiful! And they know how to drink. I met a Dublin lass in Melbourne while I was working around the comedy scene and BAM!! Followed her over. I'm thinking of telling her soon. My van is starting to look suspicious.
SpunOut.ie: And when he got here, he thought...
Damian: This country is for drinking and drinking ONLY!! Steel shutters cover glass shop fronts at night so we can go nuts! Although, don't expect any order from politicians through to shop assistants; they're all hung-over waiting for the next drink. In Aus, I was sacked from at least five jobs for drinking, so bring it on!
What I find funny is, in general, no-one wants anyone else to succeed in anything. Success is hated, yet people complain that everything's shite. Just a thought, if people encouraged everyone else to do their best and to feel good about their achievements, then maybe things wouldn’t be shite. Although, it’s probably easier to just give out.
SpunOut.ie: Is there anything about your big move or transition into Irish life that you would have done differently or maybe that you still struggle with a bit?
Damian: Grey. Too much grey sky. It's like a lid God's covered Ireland with so we can get blitzed and not feel guilty. Every now and then, God will lift the lid for a day or two, see what we've done with the place...and put it back down. Then switches on the 'rinse' button.
SpunOut.ie: What advice would you give to young Irish lads and lassies heading overseas for work or maybe even for good?
Damian: When travelling, first of all keep your important personal belongings safe! I know people whose passports, cards and cash were nicked and ruined everything. So lads, keep the vitals under your vitals. Hide your wallet, passport etc under your ballbag or in between the sack & shaft. Ladies in the bra or under the boob. Make it difficult for pickpockets. But, if they succeed, at least you got some action from them in the process.
The Irish are lucky because everyone loves them. Work hard and play hard. The more eager you are to work, the more chance you'll have. Backpacker hostels know the cheap drinking spots. Gay clubs can have free lesbian mud wrestling too, so keep your eyes out.
If you're going somewhere hot... sunscreen. You'll get a better colour with sunscreen than without. Going bare will burn you to bits; it'll peel off then you have to start again. The firey ball in the sky is decoration in Ireland (if it's out) so don't be fooled in warmer climates. It will kill you.
SpunOut.ie: It seems like loads of people are leaving Ireland... why oh why are you sticking around?
Damian: Love Guinness and pubs. Plus, the comedy scene here is going great guns at the moment. So many brilliant acts. So when that dries up, it’s joining all the 'Howayas' at the bars staring into their drinks.
SpunOut.ie: Times are tough enough right now with people trying to make ends meet and deal with the daily pressures and tensions. Got any jokes, stories, observations or words of Clark wisdom up your sleeve to leave us with a smile?
Damian: Times are tough alright. When walking through town you get approached by allsorts looking for something. One that stands out was a religious guy came up to me and enquired "Excuse me sir, do you believe in reincarnation?" I said "Aw you again!"
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