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Coming out
Coming out as LGBT can be a hugely positive experience.
What is coming out?
Coming out is when a person accepts their sexual orientation (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender) and decides to tell someone else about it. Most young people tell friends first and many don’t feel they can tell their parents at first.
Deciding to tell someone that you're gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender (LGBT) can be a difficult and very personal decision. However, coming out as LGBT can be a hugely positive experience – a liberating time, when you embrace your sexuality. You should think about whether you’re ready to talk about it and who you want to tell. When deciding to talk about your sexuality, you might feel frightened, nervous, stressed, relieved or excited to get it over with. Remember, it's okay to feel any or all of those emotions!
Deciding when to come out:
- Being gay in Ireland, especially in smaller towns can be tough. How you handle it is up to you. Some people decide to be very open about their sexuality while others prefer to be discreet.
- Take time to decide about your sexuality. If you don’t know whether you fancy boys, girls or both then don’t worry about being straight, gay or bisexual. You’ll figure it out eventually!
- Being gay and bisexual is normal and you have a right to show your feelings. Try not to hide your sexuality or pretend to be straight just to keep other people happy. You’ll end up feeling unhappy yourself.
- Never let someone make you feel ashamed of your sexuality. If they insult or threaten you they’re being prejudiced.
- You shouldn’t feel pressurised into coming out. This can happen if you’ve a partner or friends who’ve already told people about their sexuality and think you should do the same. Wait until you feel comfortable and ready to tell others.
- Coming out is different for everyone, you might choose to tell friends but not your parents or to tell everyone you know. If you tell some people and not others, remember that secrets have a habit of escaping.
- When you’re ready to come out, start by telling someone you trust and that you think will be supportive. This will give you confidence to tell other people.
- Explain that being gay or bisexual doesn’t mean you’re a different person. You might have to wait a while before friends and family accept your sexuality.
- Expect stupid questions, ignorance and nasty comments and jokes. People might be shocked and say things that are hurtful.
- Telling family can be explosive. If you’re worried about them reacting badly, threatening you or kicking you out ask a friend to let you stay with them if it’s needed.
- Get more information if you think you’re being discriminated against or harassed because of your sexuality.
- If you’re being discriminated against, contact a Citizens Advice Bureau or the Equality Commission in Northern Ireland or the Equality Authority in Ireland.
