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Threesomes
How to have a fun and safe experience.
What is a threesome?
A threesome involves getting sexually intimate with two people rather than just one person. Threesomes can involve any combination of guys and gals. They often consist of a couple experimenting with another person outside of their relationship.
Threesomes can be really exciting and fun, but like all things in life, they have their downsides too.
Pros
- It’s fun! Threesomes are pretty exciting things. People usually really enjoy them.
- It’s a sexual adventure. Threesomes are usually a once in a lifetime or an occasional experience.
- It spices things up. Some couples say that even one threesome experience injects serious passion into their bedroom shenanigans.
Cons
- The jealousy monster. You or your partner might feel jealous afterwards, no matter how much you tried to divide your time equally between the two people.
- The insecurity. You or your partner may feel that the other person had a better body than you. You may worry that your partner fancies them more.
- The relationship could break down. In the worst case scenario, you may not be able to move past jealousy. You may wonder why you even needed the threesome in the first place. You could ultimately end up breaking up.
Top tips for keeping it safe and enjoyable
- Keep it safe. Yeah, yeah, you’ve heard it all before, but seriously keep yourself protected. Why should your fun be ruined by unwanted pregnancy or an STI? Do be aware that you’ll need to change condoms if you are switching partners during the threesome. Otherwise you could end up with some pretty nasty infections.
- Only do it if you want to do it. Not ‘cause you want to keep your girl or guy happy or because other people say it would be great craic.
- Think through the pros and cons. Definitely think through it all if you are the jealous type or if you have moral or religious issues with threesomes. You don’t want to end up regretting it!
- Be clear about why you are doing this. Are you looking to have fun and a once in a lifetime experience? Are you looking to spice up your sex life? Or is this a last ditch attempt to keep your partner interested? Only you know the answers to these questions, but it’s best to be honest with yourself.
- Establish sexual grounds rules i.e. maybe you can get it on with the guy or gal, but your partner can only watch or have sex with you. Or maybe it’s a free for all and there are no real rules. You and your partner should decide on all of this beforehand.
- Respect your partner. If your partner tells you that they want things a certain way, don’t ignore it during the threesome. That’s pretty uncool and will likely affect your relationship too.
- Many people like to set the scene with dim lighting etc. This is particularly important because there may be a bit of shyness at the start before you get down to it.
- Give equal time to the other people in the threesome, don’t concentre on one person while the other person is left there all alone.
- Don’t just concentre on yourself and your own pleasure. This is true in any sexual situation anyhow. Just because it’s a threesome doesn’t mean this rule will change.
- Don’t pick anyone you have feelings for. If you’re in a relationship, but secretly have a thing for someone else, bringing them into a threesome could lead to serious hurt. It’s best to save threesomes for a bit of fun.
- Pick a code word. Anything you like can work as a code word, but the code word is your way of saying that you want to stop the threesome and get out.
- Reassure your partner afterwards. When the threesome is over, make sure you let your partner know that they are still top dog for you. They may be feeling a bit insecure, even if they are the one who suggested it in the first place.
Further Information
10 dos and don’ts of bedroom communication
STIs
Contraception
