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Bad sexual compatibility
Is this possible?
Article by : SpunOut.ie
What is sexual compatibility?
Sexual compatibility is about relating well sexually to another person. If you are sexual compatible with someone else, you will tend to like the same things and have similar libidos.
Sexual incompatibility on the other hand means that the sexual side of your relationship does not work so well. Maybe you love kissing and he hates it. Or you would love to get happy in the bedroom every night, while he is content to keep sex to the weekend.
Sexual incompatibility can be head wrecking stuff!
Common areas of incompatibility:
- Mismatched libidos. Some people naturally have high libidos, while others do not. If you have a high sex drive and pair up with someone with a low sex drive, you are likely to end up feeling really frustrated.
- Openness. One partner may want to to get crazy and do S&M, while the other only one only wants to do it in the bedroom with the lights off. Oops!
- Affection. Some people are very affectionate and tactile, while their partners are not. The affectionate person can end up feeling rejected by their partner’s lack of kisses and cuddles.
- Styles. Some people are very soft and gentle in the bedroom, while others are very passionate. Your partner’s style may not do anything for you.
- Different sexual values. This is a biggie. Some value differences are very obvious, such as a person wanting to abstain from sex before marriage. However, more subtle differences can create problems. One of you might think that sex is pretty unimportant, while the other one thinks it is of the utmost importance.
- Morality. You may not just dislike your partner’s sexual habits, but actually find them morally wrong.
Why is sexual compatibility important?
- It can be upsetting. If you are constantly rejected by your partner, that can do a bit of a number on your self esteem. It can also make you upset at your partner because they are supposed to be making you feel happy, not sad, rejected and stressed.
- Sex is what makes a relationship different from a friendship. Without sex, you and your partner would be just good friends. Some people are happy to have a sexually incompatible relationship, but most people simply cannot live with that.
- It could lead to infidelity. If you never feel sexually satisfied in the relationship, there is a danger that you will start to look elsewhere.
- It could lead to a break up. In the worst case scenario, you may not be able to get past the sexual roadblocks and you could split up.
What can you do?
- Communicate. Find out what you both want and need sexually. It may be tough and embarrassing, but it’s worth having an honest and open conversation with your other half. Otherwise, how will you ever sort the problem?
- Compromise. Find out what you both want and need sexually. There is actually a big difference between the two. You may want to try swinging, but don’t feel that you actually need it to be sexually satisfied. Whereas you may need to be in a relationship where you have sex at least three times a week. Your partner may be very willing to have sex more often, but not so keen on the swinging experience. So pick a middle ground and try that.
- Decide how important the sexual issue it is to you. Look at the entire relationship and decide if you are willing to exchange a less than perfect sex life for a life without your partner. On the other hand, if the sexual incompatibility is very bad, it may be a real deal breaker and you may not want to continue with the relationship. Only you can decide if the rest of the relationship makes up for the sexual difficulties.
- Seek professional therapy. If you really can’t sort the sexual issue together, then relationship counselling may allow you the chance to sort it out.
Further Information
How to have tough talks
Toxic relationships
