Deciding when to have sex
Information on deciding when to have sex for the first time.
When to have sex is your choice and you should never feel pressurised into doing it before you're ready. If you aren't ready, don't have sex. You need to be certain that you won't regret it later.
You should always feel confident and comfortable about your choices and never allow someone to pressurise or bully you into an uncomfortable situation. When someone else pressurises you in this way it's called peer pressure.
Trust your instincts and feelings and if you aren't sure what to do, talk to a friend or an adult that you trust.
Also, remember that in Ireland and Northern Ireland the legal age of consent to have sex is 17.
Points to think about:
- Do I feel ready and comfortable enough with my partner to have sex?
- Is there a risk I'll feel bad or ashamed after?
- Does my partner respect me?
- Do I respect or love my partner?
- Am I using someone for sex?
- Why do I want to have sex?
- Have we talked about contraception?
- Do I trust my partner and does my partner feel the same trust?
How far should I go?
This is a very personal decision and should be decided by how comfortable you feel with the other person or by your own beliefs about relationships and sex. Everybody talks about snogging, pulling and sex but not everyone is doing it.
When you are making the decision to have sex for the first time, think about it very seriously. Remember:
- It’s a big deal! You should feel ready to have sex and not pressurised by friends or a partner.
- Before having sex, it's important to learn about safer sex and contraception.
- Wait until you feel safe in the company of your partner before having sex.
- Ask yourself whether you trust your partner and feel that they respect you.
- Respect your own feelings and beliefs. If you’re not ready to have sex, don’t do it.
- Talk to an adult you trust or contact a helpline for supportive advice.
And remember:
- Don’t have sex because your friends think it’s cool.
- Don’t think that love and sex are the same thing.
- Don’t get carried away with romance. Remember the risk of unwanted pregnancy and STIs.
- Don’t allow alcohol or drugs to change your mind if you aren’t ready for sex.
- If you are pressurised into sex that you regret it is NOT your fault. Don’t feel guilty. If you need help contact a helpline or talk to someone you trust.
The WRONG reasons to have sex
- Jumping into bed 'cos everyone else says they are doing it. They're not!
- Your boyfriend or girlfriend wants you to sleep with them. If they respect you they won't have a problem waiting until you're ready for sex.
- You're pissed: alcohol and drugs have a nasty habit of lowering your inhibitions: making you do things that you regret later.
- You think it will make you more mature, cooler or changed for the better. Sex isn't going to make you look more sophisticated or cooler than before.
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