Having sex

Your choice, when you're ready. Tips on deciding when to have sex.

As young people we all have to make decisions about important issues in our lives. Things like should you go out with someone, how far to go when you are alone, whether to let them touch you or when to have sex.

When to have sex is your choice. You should never feel pressurised into doing it before you're ready. If you aren't ready, don't have sex. You need to be certain that you won't regret it later.

You should always feel confident and comfortable about your choices and never allow someone to pressurise or bully you into an uncomfortable situation. When someone else pressurises you in this way it is called peer pressure. Trust your instincts, your feelings and if you aren't sure what to do talk to a friend or adult that you trust.

Also, remember that in Ireland and Northern Ireland the legal age of consent to have sex is 17.

Here are some points to think about:

Do I feel ready and comfortable about having sex?

Is there a risk I'll feel bad or ashamed afterwards?

Does my partner respect me?

Do I respect or love my partner?

Am I using someone for sex?

Why do I want to have sex?

Have we talked about contraception?

Do I trust my partner and does my partner feel the same trust?

How far should I go?

This is a very personal decision and should be decided by how comfortable you feel with the other person or your own beliefs about relationships and sex. Everybody talks about snogging, pulling and sex but not everyone is doing it. When you are making the decision about having sex think about it very seriously:

It’s a big deal! You should feel ready to have sex and not feel pressurised by friends or a partner.
You must learn about safe sex and contraception.
Wait until you feel safe in the company of your partner and be sure that you want to go further in your relationship.
Do you trust your partner and feel that they respect you?
Respect your own feelings and beliefs. If you’re not ready to have sex, don’t do it.
Talk to an adult you trust or contact a helpline.

And remember:

Don’t have sex because your friends think it’s cool.
Don’t think that love and sex is the same thing.
Don’t get carried away with romance. Remember the risk of unwanted pregnancy and STIs.
Don’t allow alcohol or drugs to change your mind if you aren’t ready for sex.
If you are pressurised into sex that you regret it is NOT your fault. Don’t feel guilty. If you need help contact a helpline or talk to someone you trust.