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Being cheated on
Dealing with betrayal.
You have just found out that you have been cheated on. Maybe a friend told you, maybe your other half confessed or maybe you sensed it and asked your partner for the truth. However you found out, you are bound to be devastated.
Feelings:
- You may be feeling everything from shock to anger to sadness.
- You may start analyzing the entire relationship and question everything about your time together.
- You may become obsessive about the whole thing and start wandering when/where did your partner meet the person he was cheating on you with. You may wonder did they think of the other person when they were with you. You may obsess about when your partner snuck away to spend time with the other person. These questions may haunt you all day and night.
- You may go through the various stages of grief when you find out:
- Denial – You may be totally shocked and want to pretend that the cheating never happened.
- Anger – You may feel inconsolable with rage and want to scream, roar or even hit your partner.
- Bargaining – You may try and talk yourself out of the situation and pretend it didn’t happen or just try and force yourself to move on before you are ready.
- Depression – You may feel very down about the relationship and think that your life is over.
- Acceptance – You accept that it has happened, you make a decision on the status of the relationship and you move on. You may never forget, but you are able to move beyond it.
Why do people cheat?
There are many reasons why people cheat:
- Alcohol – Yes, we all know it is the same ol’, same ol’ excuse, but some people really do cheat on their partner and act out of character when they are off their head with drink. It’s no excuse sure, but it is an explanation.
- Problems with the relationship – The person may be unhappy with different aspects of their relationship, but not want to break up. Or some issues may not be fixable, so the person avoids the issues by cheating.
- Being forced to spend a lot of time with someone we are attracted to. – This can happen at work or college. Eventually, the temptation may just be too much and the person may cheat.
- Some people just don’t do well with serious relationships. - They would rather play the field. The issue with this is that it only works if they are honest about this beforehand.
Making a decision
It can be extremely difficult to make a decision about whether to stay in the relationship or not. Most people think that if someone cheated on them, they would be straight out the door. However, when it happens to you, you may find that it is not as easy as that at all. In order to make your decision about the relationship you will need to:
- Talk, talk and talk some more with your partner. Ask them why they cheated, if they have done it before and what they are prepared to do to fix things.
- Get the suss. Was it a one night stand or a long term affair? You might feel very different about forgiving your partner if it was a one off as opposed to a long term thing.
- Consider if you can move forward. You may be able to forgive, but not forget. Even if you stay with your partner, this could cause issues. If you cannot move forward, you may have to walk away from the relationship altogether.
- Decide if you want to work it out. Professional counselling may be helpful for you; either together or apart.
- Mind yourself. If you try your best and it still falls apart, don’t beat yourself up. Being cheated on is difficult for most people to cope with and many relationships fall apart after an affair.
Further Information:
www.counsellingdirectory.ie/
www.mrcs.ie/site/
