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Those 3 words
Opinion: Are they overused?
I love you. The most powerful declaration on the planet. Or is it? In 2011 are ‘those three words’ that Cheryl Cole is so fond of still viewed with the same respect and sacrosanct as they once were? Or is our generation becoming immune to ‘those three words’? In 2011, is ‘I love you’ the new ‘I like you’?
Nowadays, it appears that the average lesbian couple will utter ‘those three words’ within the space of a month of getting together. My research is based on five of my friends, who all entered into relationships at the start of this year. In the midst of sipping some cocktails (oh it was pints of water and blackcurrant who am I kidding ha – recession much?) in The Front Lounge, each of these unsuspecting friends of mine revealed that they had all spoken ‘those three words’ to their girlfriends within the space of four weeks. Sensing my shock, they began to question the details of my own past relationships, each smiling smugly as it became clear that the love ‘timeline’ in mine had also been similar. I had myself spoken ‘those three words’ after a mere two weeks. Two weeks. Fourteen DAYS! (The title of a horror move I should add! – not a great omen for the relationships future.) “I didn’t mean it though”, I said pointedly to my friends. Well, I didn’t.
I once heard a comedian compare his girlfriend’s declarations of love to the demands of a terrorist. His point, though obviously exaggerated, I could understand. There is a massive pressure when someone tells you that they love you to reply with the standard ‘I love you too’. Unless of course you opt for the playful ruffle of the hair and the polite ‘thank you’, the quickest way to end a relationship, I would imagine. Granted, it was wrong of me and cowardly to say ‘those three words’ back to my girlfriend when I didn’t mean it, yet realistically, how many of us are actually honest about our feelings when ‘those three words’ are declared to us? Especially when we really do like the person that declares it?
According to the French Psychoanalyst Jaqcques Lacan, Love is a purely imaginary phenomenon, in that “to love is, essentially, to wish to be loved” (Lacan: (1953-54) Sem. II, p. 253). In other words, it is more to do with our own desire to hear and feel that we are loved, rather than our feelings for the other person. So is this why the whole ‘I love you’ moment, which should be something special and meaningful, is now being reduced to a meaningless phrase, uttered over a bucket of popcorn on the third date, and worse still, through text message? Facebook also provides another medium which supports this ‘love’ nonsense. Statuses that claim ‘I love my gf (of five days) so so much’!! now make a regular appearance on my homepage, followed a day later with a notification stating that the person is now single (surprise, surprise).
Perhaps I am being old fashioned, but since most of us are also now having sex pretty early on in our relationships, what is there left to look forward to? We appear to have an urgency to get this ‘I love you’ fix from our new partners. As Keisha has so eloquently reminded us, Love is a Drug, and we are hooked!
Now, there are people out there who through whatever heartache or bad experiences are now just plain cynical about love. Sure, I have had my fair share of the latter; however I am not one of those people. In fact, my star sign is Pisces, and we are renowned for our romantic tendencies and sensitivities! LOL. Without meaning to border on a almost Presidential like inauguration speech, I just feel that its time we gave ‘those three words’ back the respect they deserve, and stopped making such a mockery of both ourselves and it’s meaning. We need to remember that there is a vast difference between love and lust, and to ‘have a little patience’ in regard to saying and hearing ‘those three words’ when we become involved with someone.
As for me, right now I am in Love Rehab. I refuse to become involved with anyone for the time being. Boring I hear you say? More like peaceful! I am determined to be single and have some FUN. We are all getting way too serious at such a young age! I have also vowed not to say ‘those three words’ when I do start dating again unless I am sure that I mean them. And if a girl happens to utter ‘those three words’ to me within the space of three Eastenders episodes? Well then I will, (to quote one of my favourite Snow Patrol tracks), RUN.
By: Christine Allen
