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The parent trap
Sharing with the folks again.....
Living at home is a joy for some, while for others it is close to a nightmare! I’d hazard a guess that for the majority it probably swings between these two on a daily (if not hourly) basis. For most people under the age of eighteen, we simply have no choice but to live with our parents. But for an increasing number of young adults, living at home is becoming compulsory for longer and longer periods due to financial and employment circumstances.
I am one of those hapless victims of the recession. There is an old adage about not being able to choose ones family, but having the advantage of choice when it comes to picking ones friends; I think a more important freedom has been overlooked: the capacity to choose one’s flatmates! Unfortunately for a lot of young people, we are losing that ability and we are left with no option but to accept our family as our flatmates, for the immediate future anyway.
Living at home can be stressful at any age; you don’t have to be in your early twenties to get tired of your father’s incessant need to control the remote, as though it was some ancient animal instinct. That said, coming home from college or other situations where you have lived without your parent’s direct control on a day to day basis does present a number of extra, potentially conflict creating challenges. Continuing the remote control conceit, our fathers might be a little shocked to find that having spent the year fighting for control of the channel swapping against any number of flatmates, we are less than willing to simply hand it over and sit through the Sunday Match etc.
It isn’t just the males of the households that can cause acrimony either. Okay, I get that it probably isn’t the best idea to eat a Domino’s pizza for dinner every night (and breakfast the next morning if there is some left over) and I suppose it would be better to collect my dirty socks every evening and put them in the laundry basket, but seriously Mum, I don’t need you to prepare every meal for me and perform pre-dawn room raids just to locate the missing socks either. The simple fact is that having had the independence and freedom that living away from home brings, it is less than easy to simply fold back into the family unit as a form of subordinate house guest.
So what to do? You can’t really have an all out bust up like you would with ordinary housemates, no matter how tempting, but equally you shouldn’t just roll over and agree to return to a new form of childhood. Most parents will be understanding in this regard really. They know that you are a young adult and that your desire for freedom is not an act of random revolt, but that it is actually a sign of maturity and health.
The key is mutual understanding and respect. Talk with your parents and articulate your position and feelings. Remember too that this is their house (in most cases hard earned), and it is only right that they want some control in it. Hopefully, you will be able to come to some kind of arrangement, but if all else fails; just padlock your door, get a mini fridge and use your window as your own personal entrance!
By: John Dunphy
