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Learning to trust others
How to open up and get closer.
What is trust and why is it important?
Trust is the ability to have faith and belief in another person. If we trust someone, we trust that they will be there for us and we feel that it safe to share secrets, private thoughts and emotions with them. Basically, if we trust someone, we feel we can be close to them.
Trust is the bedrock of a relationship really. Without trust, a relationship or friendship simply cannot survive.
Why you may not be able to trust:
- You may have had a difficult childhood and have a difficult relationship with your parents. So, you may not have learnt to trust because the people who were meant to love you were not there for you.
- You may have been abused sexually or emotionally, so find it hard to trust people in general.
- You may have suffered a heartbreak and not be keen to get close to anyone.
What happens when you don’t trust anyone?
- You can’t form any close friendships or relationships. This protects you from possible hurt, but it also leaves you lonely and isolated.
- It causes major problems in relationships and friendships, because 1) You don’t feel confident about sharing your private thoughts so the friendship/relationship won’t move forward and 2) The other person will not want to be close to you if it is obvious that you don’t trust them.
- Trust is needed for a friendship/relationship to grow, so you won’t move forward without it.
How to learn to trust:
- Learn to trust in yourself. When you have faith in yourself and a belief that you can get through things and take risks; it will be easier for you to make the leap to trusting others.
- Professional counselling may be very helpful if you feel that you cannot move beyond your trust barriers. Check out www.counsellingdirectory.ie to find a counsellor in your area.
- Take it slow. You don’t have to jump from being wary and guarded to spilling all your secrets and private thoughts. Just take it one step at a time. Maybe share one thing with one person and see how it feels. Maybe just tell them that you are having a bad day and see how it goes. Trust builds slowly.
- Spread the trust. It is easier to trust a few people in your life a little bit, than it is to trust one person 100%. It is also an emotionally safer strategy.
- Recognise that even if you are the most cynical and untrusting person in the world, you still have a small amount of trust in the universe. You trust that the postman will deliver your goods and not steal them; you trust that food labels are in date at the supermarket and you trust that the cars won’t run you over when you cross at a pedestrian crossing.
- Shore up your inner resources so that you know you can and will survive if someone betrays your trust. The inability to trust people is based on the fear of pain and betrayal. If you know you will be able to cope if the worst happens, this will make trusting easier. Counselling can help with this.
Further Information:
www.counsellingdirectory.ie
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