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How to say I'm sorry
Need to ask for forgiveness?
As the song goes, ‘Sorry seems to be the hardest word’. Yet at one stage or another we all feck up and do something wrong. Everybody messes up.
Maybe you have hurt someone’s feelings by an off the cuff comment; you have offended someone with an un-PC joke; or you have done something more serious such as hit someone or cheated on a partner. No matter what, we all do wrong at some stage and need to ask others for forgiveness.
Why is forgiveness important?
- Let the healing begin! If you offer an apology to someone, you allow them to let go of resentment and other negative feelings, which are bound to be stressful.
- Let them know they matter. Offering an apology can strengthen the relationship with the person you have hurt, as it allows them to feel that you care about hurting their feelings.
- Peace of mind anyone? If you offer a sincere apology, you will feel more at peace. If the person accepts, they will also have an opportunity for peace.
- Down with stress! If you are willing to apologise, life will be less stressful. It is very stressful to carry around lots of guilt or shame over an incident.
- Grudges kill! It is scientifically proven that holding grudges is not good for one’s health. People who hold grudges are more likely to have issues with drink or drugs; more mental health problems and even high blood pressure!
The downsides of asking for forgiveness:
- Shot down - ouch! The other person may not be willing or ready to accept your apology and may shoot you down. This may feel very upsetting after you have gone to the effort of apologising.
- Ummm…yeah…soooo… You may find it embarrassing to stand in front of someone and say sorry. If this is an issue for you, you could always write an email or a letter to them. In fact, a letter may be seen as very thoughtful in the digital age we live in.
- Tick tock, tick tock. You may have to give the person time. They may not accept your apology straight away.
How to say sorry in the best possible way:
- Make sure you acknowledge the hurt or offense you have caused. Don’t just mumble “sorry” at your feet; be specific and state what you are sorry for.
- Own up to your mistake and take responsibility for what you did or said.
- Don’t play the blame game – now is not the time to point out the other person’s flaws or negative contributions to the issue.
- See if there if there is anything you can do to help make things better.
- A card or small gift is often a nice touch.
At the end of the day, all you can do is your best. Say that you are sorry, mean it and move on. If the other person cannot forgive you, at least you will be good with yourself.
