How to have tough talks

Top tips for how to say what simply needs to be said.

Sometimes we all have to have that difficult conversation – the one we’ve been dreading forever. Whether it’s with a friend, a partner or a work colleague it can be tough to get through.

SpunOut has some top tips for handling it:

Don’t keep putting it off. Tackle it as soon as you can and get it done and over with.
Keep a positive attitude. It may be hard, but try not to expect the worst outcome from the conversation. You need to tell yourself that things will go well.
Be prepared for it to be emotional. One or both of you may get angry, hurt or upset. You CAN work through it though.
Be honest and let the other person know that you want to talk. Don’t tell them you are gonna go out for a rockin' night down the pub, and then corner them with a serious talk.
It’s all about timing. Pick a time where you can have a good conversation without being interrupted. So it’s probably best not to chat when the big match of the season is on or you are rushing out the door to see someone in half an hour.
Be prepared to wait. You may not be able to have the talk when you bring it up. So you may need to set a time with the other person in advance.
Use ‘I statements’ rather than ‘you’. Saying "I need to be listened to better" will go down much better than "You never listen to me", for example.
It’s all in the eyes. Make sure to maintain eye contact when talking. Touch is also a good sense to use and connects you to one another. This is dependent on your relationship with the other person, of course. You may be able to hold hands with your girlfriend when you are having a serious talk; not so much if you are talking to your boss!
Try to reflect back what the other person is saying. Basically when the other person is done talking, repeat what they have said out loud. This way, you make sure that what you heard is correct and the other person feels really listened to.
Come to a compromise. You may not get what you want exactly, but by the end of the discussion you should feel that both of you have gotten something from the discussion and have come to some type of agreement.
Get some outside help. If you can’t solve the issue, you may need a different perspective in the form of a counsellor, a friend or a work colleague. There is nothing wrong with needing professional help and it may be of great value to you.