Friendship break ups

Losing a friend can hurt more than people realise!

Everyone will sympathise with you if you break up with a boyfriend/girlfriend, but when a friendship dies it can be just as painful. After all, friends often know us as well as (or even better than), partners or family members do. Yet it seems few people understand this. Even though many friendships last longer than some relationships, society still does not seem to get it. The world we live in does not seem to understand how much the loss of a friendship can hurt.

Here are our thoughts on the loss of a friendship and what you can do to help yourself:

How to cope:

Do a double-take. Can you see if you did/said something to cause a problem with your friend? Maybe you said something off hand without thinking, but it has come back to bite you in the ass. Can you make amends for it?
Say sorry already! If you can see that you have done something wrong, sometimes all it takes is an apology to build bridges again.
Bust out the pen and paper. Sometimes snail mail can be a great way of getting your point across. Plus, in this age of electronic communication, a letter is usually considered to be a very thoughtful way of communicating.
Feel your feelings. Don’t try to push them down. If you are feeling hurt or angry, it is important to express these feelings in a safe way with other friends/family/a partner.
Distract yourself. Try and find some new activities/things to do to try and take your mind off the situation. You may also make new friends, which is always good.
Keep the door open. No matter what the future brings, let your friend know that you are open to the idea of re-establishing the relationship in the future. Even if it has been a year or ten years, one day you might decide to send a Christmas or birthday card to them.
Time is on your side, yes it is. It takes time to get over losing anyone or anything. Don’t expect to be over the whole thing in a few days/weeks.
Meet someone new. Get out there and try and see about making some new friends. It’s not as easy as all that of course, nobody will ever replace your friend, but it may be worth thinking about.

Try not to:

Bitch to everyone about how horrible/nasty your friend is and how unfair she is being. This will just make you look bad and will ruin your chances of re-building bridges with your friend.
Become desperate/stalkerish. If you start following your friend everywhere or texting/calling them twenty times a day; you are more likely to alienate them. Also, you may come across as unhinged.
Drag everyone else into it. They won’t be able to fix it anyway and they will just end up feeling torn between the two of you.

Further Info:

Friendship

How to have tough talks

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See the help section for contact details of support organisations.