When your parents don't give their blessing

How to cope.

The parent-child relationship is not always easy. Sometimes your relationship with your parents can get particularly difficult as you grow up and start to make your own choices in life. In particular, you may butt heads with your parents if you start doing things they don’t approve of.

The following issues may cause problems between you and your parents.

Relationships. Parents and their kids often disagree over choice of partners. Maybe they think your other half has the wrong type of job, comes from the wrong type of family or just has a bad attitude.
Sexuality. Some parents cannot handle their children being anything other than straight.
Religion. You parents may want you to practice your religion more i.e. attend church every Sunday or perhaps even go to religious classes. Or they may be very upset if you no longer believe in the religion you were brought up with. Finally, if you decide to change religions, this may meet with strong disapproval from your parents.
Career. Maybe your parents want you to train for a certain type of job that sounds just awful to you. Or maybe they want you to go to a certain college. Maybe they won’t like the fact that you choose enjoyment of a job over money and prestige, for example.

So, there truly are lots of areas that can cause friction between you and your folks.

Here are some tips on what to do about it

Talk it out. As usual, the first rule of any relationship problem is to have a proper talk about it. Nothing ever gets resolved when people yell at each other. So, pick a time when you are both calm, then sit down and talk about the issue. Make a rule that you will not interrupt each other when you are talking. Otherwise you will never get anywhere. You may be very surprised at what happens when you have a calm conversation with your parents. You may be able to reach some type of compromise that you wouldn’t have been able to if you had kept yelling at or ignoring one another.
Emphasise to your parents that you are still you. You are still the same child that they raised. It’s just that now you have discovered a different aspect of yourself. So maybe you want to change religions, but you are still the same shy, smart and kind person that you have always been. Show them examples of how you haven’t changed. For example, if you were always responsible, remind them of how you always look after your siblings, make them dinner and get them to bed on time.
Show your parents how much you care about them. People are often afraid of changes in other people because they think it means that they will no longer care about their loved ones.
Ask yourself if it is really worth it. We’re not talking about important things like sexuality (which nobody chooses anyway), but about other more minor issues. Do you really want to risk losing the respect and blessing of your parents just so you can leave school early, for example? Not only could that damage your relationship with your parents, but it could have a seriously negative impact on your own life.
Ask yourself WHY you are making the decision you are. Is it something really important to you or are you just doing it to rebel against your parents? Be honest with yourself about this.
Be aware of age differences. Things that are perfectly normal to people below the age of 30 may seem weird (or even wrong) to older people.

So, there truly are lots of areas that can cause friction between you and your folks.

A few final pointers...

Give your parents time. They may just take time to come round to your idea/decision/life choice, so it’s important to let them know that you will always be willing to have a relationship with them.
Give your parents information. They may disapprove simply because they don’t understand. So give them some solid information that will allay their fears. For example, if they think studying art will lead to a lack of money and job prospects, have them meet your financially comfortable artist friend.
Remember that your parents almost certainly still love you; they just cannot cope with your life choice for reasons of their own.
If things get really bad and you can no longer live under the same roof as your parents, remember that you have rights. Click here to check out information on social welfare and housing.
Talk to others. If the whole thing is really getting you down and you want to talk to someone, click here to go to the help section.