True life addiction
Eileen's story about overcoming addiction.
My Dad was an emotional bully. Everything had to be perfect and only Dad's interests counted. Everything else was stupid or rubbish. Mum put up with years of belittlement before finally leaving Dad when I was almost 14.
The divorce left me extremely depressed. I didn't feel like I fitted in anywhere anymore, I felt like everyone was watching and judging me. Mum offered counselling, but nobody talked about feelings in my family. The first time I felt good after the split was the first time I got drunk. I was 14 and that feeling of bliss hooked me. It wasn't long until I was drinking most nights of the week. Dad had had a breakdown and was hardly there anyway, so it went unnoticed.
Next came pot. Drinking and getting stoned became nightly events. I turned away from all the things I loved. I became fearful in my daily life, I was sure everyone knew my secret. By the time I was 16, I couldn't say no to a drink or a joint. I was also raped for the first time, because I took a drink that had been spiked. I never told anyone, it was too shameful, and who would believe me anyway? This guy was my friend.
I thought that moving away to university would end my problems, but they followed me, every hour of every day. I used all sorts of drugs, and increased my intake, because my head was so crazy. I tried everything to numb myself. I made a number of suicide attempts after being raped again, more than once.
By the time I was 20 I could barely leave the house. I suffered panic attacks and insomnia. I lied and cheated and stole and sold drugs/stolen goods in order to support my addictions. I hung out with other addicts to feel normal. My family and old friends didn't trust me, and I hated myself.
Drink and drugs started off being fun, they made me feel okay in social situations. Now, I needed them to survive, even though they were killing me. I felt completely alone and totally pathetic. At 21 I went to see my GP and asked about rehab. I knew I had to stop because I was slowly dying, and I realised what that would do to my family. My GP referred me to an Alcohol and Drug assessor and I got placed in residential treatment.
In treatment I discovered that I was not the awful person that I thought I was.
Addiction is an illness that needs treating. I was sick, not bad. It has taken a lot of hard work, but I am now 26 years old, grateful to be alive, and sure as heck glad to be clean and sober. I go to both Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. Being around other people who are like me keeps me on the straight and narrow. I no longer feel alone, because I have found like-minded others and I have found me.
By: Anonymous
Read information on problems with alcohol and drugs.
Read about getting away from abuse.
See the help section for supportive information and contacts details of support organisations.
This article is part of the SpunOut.ie true life stories section – a space for young people to share their experiences of tough times and encourage others to seek help. This story is just one person's experience and it may be different for you. Remember that no matter what you are going through, there is help and support available. See the Find help section for more information: http://www.spunout.ie/help/
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