Superhero Big Brother

Spiderman, Batman, Superman, Wonderwoman, Bananaman, Freakazoid, Superted and Earthworm Jim all enter the Big Brother house.

Day 1: Spiderman, Batman, Superman, Wonderwoman, Bananaman, Freakazoid, Superted and Earthworm Jim all enter the Big Brother house. The first night is spent getting to know each other and discussing what they'd do if they won the €100,000. All of them said they'd retire from the superhero business and buy a ranch in Aruba, or sign a contract for Hello! magazine.

Day 3: Spiderman and Superman instantly get off on the wrong foot when Superman calls Spiderman a "Wall-climbing asshole". Spiderman responds by eating nothing but Kryptonite sandwiches to piss him off.

Day 5: Batman claims he's glad to have some company after months of sitting by himself in his batcave. He reveals he hasn't been the same superhero since Robin ran off with Stephen Gately and Alfred left to become the Butler in the big-picture remake of the 1970's classic "Arthur".

Day 7: Wonderwoman and Bananaman are up for eviction. It seems like Wonderwoman is up for the chop until she does a table dance on live TV 5 minutes before the voting ended. Bananaman never stood a chance.

Day 11: The Spiderman-Superman saga continues and reaches new levels of pettiness. Spiderman is fuming when he discovers Superman put his red pants in Spiderman's white wash. "Who do you think I am, Robin?" asked Spidey. At that, Batman broke down into tears.

Day 12: As a get-back prank, Spiderman and Superted put eggs in Superman's boots and put his hand in a glass of warm water.

Day 14: Freakazoid and Wonderwoman are up for eviction. It looks like Wonderwoman is heading out when she flashes her boobs 5 minutes before voting ends. Freakazoid packs his bags.

Day 17: Superman has decided to make a silent protest after Spiderman hit him in the head with a water balloon when Superman was doing his weekly task, building a ship in a bottle. As a result, Superman fails the task and gets no food for 2 days.

Day 21: Batman and Wonderwoman are up for eviction. Since Batman is such as winging git, Wonderwoman doesn't bother doing anything controversial this week. Batman is put out, unsurprisingly, for being a winging git.

Day 23: The house has broken down into 2 camps who refuse to talk to each other; Spidey, Wonderwoman and Superted against Superman and Earthworm Jim. Much has been documented about Earthworm Jim's muted behaviour. He explains it's part of his strategy for victory.

Day 25: After complaints that the show is getting boring, Big Brother announces it's brinign in another housemate and there will be 3 evictions this week.

Day 26: The new housemate is announced as the Lone Ranger and immediately he shakes things up. He punches Superman for being a "City-boy jackass", gets a massive sparrow to chase Earthworm Jim and sleeps with Wonderwoman.

Day 28: Eviction day and the housemates start to feel the pressure, knowing that half of them won't be there the next day. Superman goes to a new low when he puts Superted in the washing machine, even though it clearly said not to on his label. The rest of the housemates gang up on him and after trying and failing to give him a wedgie,they stick his head down the toilet. The Lone Ranger was heard to say "Where's your Messiah now, Pantsboy?"

Wonderwoman is evicted first, despite revealing she had affairs with Colin Farrell and Abi Titmuss, followed by Earthworm Jim for being a "Dry oul fecker" but the surprise of the day is the Lone Ranger's eviction from  the House after 2 days. "I can't complain, it's not everyday you stick Superman's head down the toilet" a smiling Ranger said.

Day 31: Superted, still slightly worse for wear after his stint in the washing machine, wins his final weekly task, finding Shergar, and as a reward gets the slap up meal of his choice. He first chooses Roast Superman, but settles for chicken.

Day 35: On the final day in the house, Superted and Spiderman discuss spending their summer holidays together in Spidey's houseboat, while Superman takes a huff after finding out Lois Lane has run off with the Lone Ranger. With almost half a million votes, Superted is announced the winner of Superhero Big Brother and is congratulated by his new best mate Spidey and that sidekick of his whose name nobody can remember.

Superman complains he was "Set up" and retires to Planet Krypton to silently contemplate his future and get some of his Ma's cooking while he's at it. Superted says he will give his prizemoney to the BWMSF-The Bears in Washing Machines Support Foundation.