Disco's dead

Your word: Or it would be if I ever got my way...

I've ranted about it to all my friends, my peers at school, I've even kept my mother up late nights discussing the subject.

Now it's time to share my opinion with you, the mighty youth of Ireland, and carefully explain to you why I hate discos. And yes, I do hate them- I don't mean strongly dislike them. To explain: if disco was a human I'd have killed it and made a lampshade out of its skin by now- and that's putting it lightly.

I'm all for dancing and having a good time with your friends- I like fun, its just the under-age drinking, drugs, fighting, mass communal face licking and general immoral acts I have a problem with.

Disco may once have been just an innocent social activity but that was in the 70's and early 80's when music was funky and clothes were too-it has now been turned into a sezpit where hormonal teenagers gather in the dark, to do things that would make poor old Daniel O'Donnell start weeping.

When I was young and slightly more immature (3 years ago), I begged and screamed (just slightly less immature, mind you) to be let go to my first disco.

My argument was fair and concise: ''Why wont you let me go everyone else is going'' always good to mention ''what everyone else is doing''-''I hate you, you are a terrible mother''- yes, you are for not letting me go to the dark room full of sweaty, drunk, lustful teenagers-''I HATE YOU'' - always nice to butter them up a bit...

As was the answer: '”No”

So I fumed, I pouted and I smashed things, but I got over it- fairly quickly, in fact. It took me a few months to realise that teenagers ARE morons and discos DO suck.

Anyhow, now I'm a wee bit older and well used to being asked ‘‘are you going out tonight?'' I got so bored of the shocked, judgemental look on peoples' faces when I began my lecture, that I simply began quoting the Morrissey song ''I would go out tonight but I haven't got a stitch to wear''. This did not go as planned- I had to explain what I was talking about, however I did get several generous offers on the entire clothing part. Not that I would ever go out in the accepted disco uniform-I know what its like because I live near the bus stop.

Every Friday I see scantily clad girls getting on to a minibus dressed in:

• Not much-ha!
• Tiny denim mini skirt.
• Tight sequinned top complete with orange cleavage on display.
• Handbag incapable of holding much more than an ecstasy tablet.
• Revolting and pointy high shoes.
• And is it really mandatory to pile on the terracotta foundation and turquoise eye shadow.

It's disgusting but the guys aren't much better:

• Blue or white shirt-very original.
• Crotch-grabbing tight jeans.
• Overly gelled spiky hair-pure class.

And the entire idea of kissing as many people as you can is just plain wrong, as is drinking and drugs - but I've bored you enough, besides I'm saving the other material for my next rants!!

Oh and I'm sure there are going to be those who disagree and say “I only go to discos to have a good time'' or ''I only drink to socialise''. But remember, for every nice guy there are 10 bad ones too drunk to e-mail me!
 
Good night everybody- drive safely and without much alcohol in your blood!
 
By: Aisling Colreavy

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